We had been married 12+ years. It was just the start of 2018. I’m in the event business and Finn’s Dad is in the Automobile business. We both spent the last 14 years working so hard with long hours and dedication. We own our own house again and have started talking about planning for our future so we won’t have to work this hard for the rest of our lives. We are both 39; about to turn 40 years old this year. A long overdue vacation has been booked to Costa Rica to celebrate this major milestone. We haven’t take a vacation in years and haven’t been outside the country since our honeymoon to Provence, France in 2006. I am in the middle of planning a 5 year gala to end all galas for the company I work for. Gowns, Tuxes, live band from Boston all quickly approaching for the month before we head away. We had tried to have children for a number of years in our early 30’s, but by 39 we realized it might just be us and our dog as we got older. I had dreams of traveling the world and seeing so many things. I had had a job in my 20’s that allowed me to travel all over the US and I always wanted to take Finn’s Dad with me to see the places I had been and to try the food I had eaten. We talked about saving a lot of money and buying a condo on the ocean at one point down the road. We had big dreams.
Our personalities always challenged each other throughout our lives together. We are both very stubborn and determined to do things our own way. We had been in counseling in 2017 and at the close of the year really felt good about each other and where we had brought our relationship to. We both had great jobs and were making good money. For the first time in our lives together the heaviness of life seemed lighter. We were going to have a happy life without children. Finn’s Dad wanted to give time and money to animals – pets that had been neglected or left behind.
February came. The gala was here. We both dressed up in a gown and tux and had the night of our lives. Amazing food, great dancing, being with friends and just enjoying ourselves. Life was great!
Our booked trip to Costa Rica was up next. A month following the gala. We had been shopping for vacation clothes. As I said, we had’t been on vacation in so many years. We really only had work clothes. We were so ready to relax and be with each other. No distractions. 1 week prior to our trip I started to feel ill. I randomly had a pregnancy test in the bathroom closet that hadn’t expired. Monday morning at 6am I took the test. I was pregnant! I remember yelling to Finn’s Dad to come to the bathroom. I took another test. It was positive. We both collapsed to the floor in our hallway and looked at each other. WOW! What emotions were we feeling? I remember shock, surprise, excitement. How could this be happening? I was 39! Finn’s Dad got up and ran out to the drug store to buy another test. I took it. Positive. Ha! I was really pregnant. We had truly given up hope that this would happen to us. I had just convinced myself that we would be ok without kids. All of our friends had started having families years earlier our time had passed, hadn’t it?
We got ready for work and I headed to my office. I called my Dr’s office on my way and found out that I wouldn’t need to be seen before we headed off on our vacation. An appointment had been set for the beginning of April. I actually called my parents on the way in to work also. Finn’s Dad and I are the oldest of both of our families. His younger sister had 2 girls already and my younger brother had a girlfriend, but wasn’t married yet. I know my Mom never pressured us into having kids, but I know my Dad was dying for a grandchild. He never talked to me, but I know he had made comments to my brother. I asked them both to get on the phone with me and so mom put me on speaker phone. They were casually talking about one of my brother’s friends who had just had a son. So I jumped in and said, “funny thing, talking about children. Finn’s Dad and I just found out that we are pregnant!” There was silence on the other line, but then mom started yelling and so did Dad. It warmed my heart since I never thought I would be able to give them that gift.
Work that day for me was a different story. All of my colleagues and truthfully best friends all come to work at different times each day based on the day’s events. I literally got to tell everyone one at a time. I know, I know – you are supposed to wait 3 months to tell anyone, but this was just such a gift and I felt that there was no way anything bad would happen since we had waiting so long. Finn was our gift. Each of my friends was so incredibly excited for me. We just all assumed kids weren’t in my future so it was a complete shock to them, but they were just blown away. We got Mexican take out for lunch which was just the perfect way to celebrate our news.
I haven’t spoken about this part of our lives yet, but it was a major factor in what was happening to us. I had been raised in a Catholic family. Finn’s Dad had been raised in an Episcopal family. I have always had faith and Finn’s Dad has always believed in something more than us on earth. Neither of us were practicing at the time, but we had strong ties to family members that had passed. I always felt my Nan was watching over me and looking out for me. Finn’s Dad had recently lost both his Mother and Father in their early 60’s. It was a heavy loss in his life. Finn’s Dad’s mother always wanted us to have a family. She told Finn’s Dad over and over again that we would have beautiful children since our backgrounds were so diverse. She had just passed that fall. I told him that evening that we were pregnant because of his mom. It was her gift to us. I still believe that to this day.
The work week ended and Finn’s Dad and I got on a plane to Costa Rica. I felt amazing. We arrived and got to the resort. It was beautiful. We had our own cottage which was incredible. The food was fresh and delicious. I ate for the first 3 days. Then it hit me. The beginning of the end for the next 5 months. I couldn’t drink anything. I couldn’t eat anything. We had booked excursions which were fun, but the heaviness of this new feeling overwhelmed me. I ate whole wheat toast with butter for the rest of our week away. It killed me to not feel well when Finn’s Dad was feeling great and just wanted to have the time of his life (as we had planned on doing).
I remembered the way I felt on our honeymoon. We are now going on 15 years of marriage and I can still remember our honeymoon. Our wedding was an incredible event; having both been in the wedding industry in our 20’s, we were able to bring in vendors and friends to help us throw the most incredible wedding we could plan. Raw bar, tent, raspberry colored linens, black and white dance floor – all on the front lawn at my parent’s house. Friends and family came from all over. LA, New York, Connecticut and around us. We had 2 weeks of celebration leading up to the wedding. We left for the honeymoon on Labor Day Monday. Got on our six hour flight to France. On the plane Finn’s Dad got so sick. Incredibly congested, fever, soar throat. All of the excitement had gotten him sick. Our layover was in Germany and thankfully in Europe their pharmacies are like Dr’s offices. He got medicine and started to feel better on the rest of the flight. We flew into Marseilles, got our Peugeot convertible and drove to Saint Remy. When we got to our hotel it was late. The room we had reserved was not ready for us so they put us in a different room for the night. Finn’s Dad and I passed out for 13 hours. (What I would give for 13 hours of straight sleep now with a 2 year old at home). When we woke up everything was closed. We had missed meal time because the restaurants close between meals in France. We drove until we found a grocery store where we got a baguette, cheese and salami. It was perfect. So much detail on the beginning of our trip so long ago, BUT being in Costa Rica reminded me of those two kids starting their life together. So much excitement, love and exhaustion. Ha! The world was different then as corny as that sounds. There was a way to do things. Now millennials have changed that mindset. Life is done in a completely different way now. The path has been re-written. Kid’s had never been on my immediate radar. We were 26 when we got married and I thought I had plenty of time for a family. Finn’s Dad and I were together in a foreign country exploring, eating, laughing and being totaling into each other. That was how Costa Rica was supposed to be in my mind.
I survived Costa Rica and made it back home with Finn’s Dad thankfully taking care of me. The next few months were tough. My body would not let me drink water. I became dehydrated and ended up in urgent care. They introduced me to electrolyte ice pops that became my diet for weeks. Mother’s Day weekend was here and my work does a huge brunch for this holiday every year. I always do a large centerpiece of flowers for the center of the buffet. Well I did it again this year, but forgot I was pregnant. I ended up dislocating 2 discs in my spine which made my legs go numb and made it so I couldn’t stand up for long periods of time. I ended up in physical therapy for 8 weeks. I was able to improve, but it never truly went away until I gave birth. I think it was how Finn was resting on my spine because once he was with us, I didn’t have any numbness again.
Having a true partner in life is a blessing you can not create. Finn’s Dad was the most amazing part of my life through my pregnancy. He was patient and kind. Funny and caring. He made me feel like everything was going to be fine. I had to have a lot of testing because I was what the Dr’s called “geriatric” since I was over 35 years old. I had to see a fertility doctor that tested my blood for any abnormalities like down syndrome which is more likely in an older mom. Again, I had no worries. We could have tested for all kinds of genetic traits, but both Finn’s Dad and I decided Finn was a true gift and we would not be given a baby that had any concerns. He gave me the most incredible baby shower at our house under a tent. Black and white linens with friends and family celebrating with us.
The next couple of months went by without any major issues, I was just very pregnant and dreaming of having Finn come early. Nope he was comfy and content inside me. I had a scheduled birth because of my age to induce labor. 26 hours later Finn was born by c-section. He was born on November 5th, 2018. Not a birthmark on his body. Healthy and strong. For the two of us ready to embark on our 40’s and childless, having Finn enter our lives in 2018 was just the most amazing blessing we could ever have imagined. He is truly the coolest little human around and is teaching us as much as we are teaching him. The sky is the limit for his future.
Author Finn’s Mom. 2/3/2021